Some of you may sadly remember a highly derivative and tedious US black metal band called Ritual who released some stuff on Wild Rags a few years back. Probably most of you who’ve actually heard of them only know them through a Xasthur cover version, which was just as dreary as the original.
At the time of their activity the band were derided for their laughable attempts to not only copy the Norwegian bands in sound, but also in action. But whereas the Norwegian bands made supreme music and burned churches, Ritual only made dire music that had next to no connection with the music of Immortal, Burzum et al beyond shallow surface aesthetic, paving the way for hordes of other hopeless “me too” black metal. And their “heinous, shocking crime” that they still make so much of today was to merely spray graffiti on a church like some retarded ghetto kid from a broken home.
Anyway, we got wind recently (a distinctly pooey wind) that the mediocre fools were back in action, and trying to reinvent the past with themselves as some sort of “cult” and “legendary” band, ho ho. So it seemed only right that we subject them to our usual rigorous interview process!
1) Are you still spraypainting churches in a rather dismal attempt at emulating the Norwegians?
(A) If I were to vandalize churches these days. I would spray paint violent bible passages so that believers would question the insanity of the book they follow. True Satanism/Luciferianism is a spiritual rebellion and not against Christians, but rather the restrictions placed on the mind by their beliefs. We seek to transform the individual through magick into something better. The Norwegian kings sold out for more wealth and their mothers were tired of seeing their sons killed in battle. Returning to their Pagan past would never work because they would sell out again.
2) I take it you’re working on new material, is it as boring and generic as the debut?
(A) Generic compared to what? The sell out Life Metal being released every week! Ritual’s debut is considered a classic. You obvioulsy were not around to appreciate it back in the day and compare to the countless clone bands of today. The new material will be unlike anything heard as it follows no rulebook and brings many new sounds and atmospheres into the songcraft.
3) Are you going to keep making a big deal out of the vague Xasthur connection for promotional purposes and so as to interest hipsters in your music?
(A) Hipsters are fair weather fans and we don’t have enough emo parts to our music for them so no. Xasthur has covered Ritual and has been a friend for 15 years. We simply listed every ex member of the band and their work outside of the band so no one would bitch. Are you a fan or an internet tough guy? I’ve faced numerous attempts on my life in prison and would gladly print my address for you to ask me these questions in person if you’d like.
4) Are you going to fix the Ritual logo so that it actually works on a black background? The wing is fucked at the moment because you’ve just made it a negative image, you see.
(A) That is the site created by Ian Fleming (guitarist). I’m not aware of the wing being fucked up but I will take a look at it. Are you going to fix your myspace page and add more than 24 people and post a picture of yourself so I can buy you a drink when we meet? I’m sure this is some jealous asshole from the past who never made any music of his own.
5) Any last words?
(A) Do you have any last words?
Well, seeing as you ask:
1) Don’t believe the inevitable hype kids, Ritual’s debut was NEVER considered a classic album. Sure, it gained them a brief popularity due to being in the right place at the right time (the mid-90s when black metal became increasingly popular and therefore eventually populist in outlook, and in the relatively black metal-free US). Ritual were one of the earliest bands from the US to start cloning the Norwegians and they even failed at that. Ritual were soon forgotten once I Shalt Become achieved Ritual’s pathetically low ambitions far more successfully. People who knew the US underground at that time were aware of acts like Havohej and Profanatica, you know, bands that actually had their own voice and good music and stuff. So Ritual were ever so slightly redundant even then.
The band later came back to people’s attention after a Xasthur cover version, much like how Nargaroth brought a couple of forgotten mediocre bands like Lord Foul into the kvlt limelight. They were quickly forgotten again however, as the music was DULL and BORING.
2) Accusing us of being “internet toughguys” seems a bit rich coming from someone who goes on to utter this classic of keyboard warriorism: “I’ve faced numerous attempts on my life in prison and would gladly print my address for you to ask me these questions in person if you’d like.”
3) You’d think someone stupid enough to spraypaint their own band logo on a church and expect not to get caught would be somewhat embarrassed of their actions. But not Ritual, they’ve tried to build a career out of it. Hilariously, the official Ritual myspace now classes the band as “Criminal Black Metal”, even going so far as to print t-shirts bearing this idiotic slogan. Yo nigga, Ritual in da house!!! We done time for dat badass spraypaint job we did on a church! Dat makes us fuckin’ tuff!!!! And not at all stoopid! Hip hop gangsta black metuhl muthafuckas!!!!
A representative of the band then contacted us again with a further message with a link to the Ritual myspace page, as if to placate us or make us change our minds:
“This is the real Ritual page established by the creator of the band Robert 1993. Ian has created a page of his own and may write music here and there as he is busy with other projects non related to Black Metal. New Ritual music is on display here. If you don’t like it so be it.”
Amen!