Yet again it’s been brought to our attention that Fenriz is still cut up about Antihumanism.com’s strong criticism of “new” Darkthrone.

In the official Darkthrone myspace blog, he says:

anyone remember that lowlife who took a month of his spare time just to make a FAKE dakthrone mini-site with fake album cover and fake songs? well, let’s just say if I was like that guy, I understand why he is ANTI-HUMAN, HAHAHAHA!!

Official Darkthrone myspace blog

Fenriz mate, it took about 5 minutes all in all. If I remember correctly, the guy who made the “fake” song (though it was at least as “good” as your current ”official” material) spent less than an hour making it.

It seems that you’re still pissed at us because so many people thought our parody was REAL (the thread at the Nuclear War Now forum was especially hilarious before it was deleted) and that must have really hurt your ego…

Controversy has struck Facebook again as thousands of users have voiced their fury with the latest changes to hit their favourite social networking site.

Facebook users have for some time been campaigning and petitioning the site’s administration for a “dislike” option, so they could indicate their distaste for a linked article, update or photo upload. Previously, users were only able to indicate that they “like” something. Caving in to popular demand, Facebook finally added the option last week, but did not stop there. Andy Cocke, a senior technician who worked on the latest update told us:

“We decided that the next probable cause of complaint among our moronic users was the desire to express a dislike or like for other people’s dislikes and likes. So we pre-empted this by adding that feature straight away.”

Those signed up to Facebook are now able to like or dislike another user’s like or dislike, and can even go as far as to like or dislike the fact that someone liked or disliked someone else liking a dislike of someone’s like for a dislike. 

But now users complain that their update pages are filled up with endless lines of likes and dislikes. Mr Cocke admits that this is a serious flaw.

“As impossible as it may seem, we hadn’t foreseen the sheer anal stupidity of many Facebook users. In theory it’s possible to go on liking and disliking indefinitely, which causes problems for people who just want to read what John Smith’s been doing, and not whether John Smith is liking a dislike of a like of a dislike of a dislike of a like.”

One regular user of the site said: “I’ve lost friendships over this new feature. I got real angry at a guy I’d known since High School and disliked their dislike after they disliked the fact that I disliked someone disliking a favourable article link about President Obama that I liked. They said they’d gotten confused and had meant to like my dislike, but the damage had been done. We haven’t spoken on the internet since.” 

Plans to enable users to become fans of themselves and others becoming fans of something have now been shelved after a test run crashed the entire World Wide Web. In under quarter of an hour, six million people became fans of each other becoming fans of becoming fans of a user from New Zealand becoming a fan of quilted toilet paper.

Some of you may sadly remember a highly derivative and tedious US black metal band called Ritual who released some stuff on Wild Rags a few years back. Probably most of you who’ve actually heard of them only know them through a Xasthur cover version, which was just as dreary as the original.

At the time of their activity the band were derided for their laughable attempts to not only copy the Norwegian bands in sound, but also in action. But whereas the Norwegian bands made supreme music and burned churches, Ritual only made dire music that had next to no connection with the music of Immortal, Burzum et al beyond shallow surface aesthetic, paving the way for hordes of other hopeless “me too” black metal. And their “heinous, shocking crime” that they still make so much of today was to merely spray graffiti on a church like some retarded ghetto kid from a broken home.  

Anyway, we got wind recently (a distinctly pooey wind) that the mediocre fools were back in action, and trying to reinvent the past with themselves as some sort of “cult” and “legendary” band, ho ho. So it seemed only right that we subject them to our usual rigorous interview process!

1) Are you still spraypainting churches in a rather dismal attempt at emulating the Norwegians?

(A) If I were to vandalize churches these days. I would spray paint violent bible passages so that believers would question the insanity of the book they follow. True Satanism/Luciferianism is a spiritual rebellion and not against Christians, but rather the restrictions placed on the mind by their beliefs. We seek to transform the individual through magick into something better. The Norwegian kings sold out for more wealth and their mothers were tired of seeing their sons killed in battle. Returning to their Pagan past would never work because they would sell out again.

2) I take it you’re working on new material, is it as boring and generic as the debut?

(A) Generic compared to what? The sell out Life Metal being released every week! Ritual’s debut is considered a classic. You obvioulsy were not around to appreciate it back in the day and compare to the countless clone bands of today. The new material will be unlike anything heard as it follows no rulebook and brings many new sounds and atmospheres into the songcraft.

3) Are you going to keep making a big deal out of the vague Xasthur connection for promotional purposes and so as to interest hipsters in your music?

(A) Hipsters are fair weather fans and we don’t have enough emo parts to our music for them so no. Xasthur has covered Ritual and has been a friend for 15 years. We simply listed every ex member of the band and their work outside of the band so no one would bitch. Are you a fan or an internet tough guy? I’ve faced numerous attempts on my life in prison and would gladly print my address for you to ask me these questions in person if you’d like.

4) Are you going to fix the Ritual logo so that it actually works on a black background? The wing is fucked at the moment because you’ve just made it a negative image, you see.

(A) That is the site created by Ian Fleming (guitarist). I’m not aware of the wing being fucked up but I will take a look at it. Are you going to fix your myspace page and add more than 24 people and post a picture of yourself so I can buy you a drink when we meet? I’m sure this is some jealous asshole from the past who never made any music of his own.

5) Any last words?

(A) Do you have any last words?

Well, seeing as you ask:

1) Don’t believe the inevitable hype kids, Ritual’s debut was NEVER considered a classic album. Sure, it gained them a brief popularity due to being in the right place at the right time (the mid-90s when black metal became increasingly popular and therefore eventually populist in outlook, and in the relatively black metal-free US). Ritual were one of the earliest bands from the US to start cloning the Norwegians and they even failed at that. Ritual were soon forgotten once I Shalt Become achieved Ritual’s pathetically low ambitions far more successfully. People who knew the US underground at that time were aware of acts like Havohej and Profanatica, you know, bands that actually had their own voice and good music and stuff. So Ritual were ever so slightly redundant even then.
The band later came back to people’s attention after a Xasthur cover version, much like how Nargaroth brought a couple of forgotten mediocre bands like Lord Foul into the kvlt limelight. They were quickly forgotten again however, as the music was DULL and BORING.

2) Accusing us of being “internet toughguys” seems a bit rich coming from someone who goes on to utter this classic of keyboard warriorism: “I’ve faced numerous attempts on my life in prison and would gladly print my address for you to ask me these questions in person if you’d like.”

3) You’d think someone stupid enough to spraypaint their own band logo on a church and expect not to get caught would be somewhat embarrassed of their actions. But not Ritual, they’ve tried to build a career out of it. Hilariously, the official Ritual myspace now classes the band as “Criminal Black Metal”, even going so far as to print t-shirts bearing this idiotic slogan. Yo nigga, Ritual in da house!!! We done time for dat badass spraypaint job we did on a church! Dat makes us fuckin’ tuff!!!! And not at all stoopid! Hip hop gangsta black metuhl muthafuckas!!!!

A representative of the band then contacted us again with a further message with a link to the Ritual myspace page, as if to placate us or make us change our minds:

“This is the real Ritual page established by the creator of the band Robert 1993. Ian has created a page of his own and may write music here and there as he is busy with other projects non related to Black Metal. New Ritual music is on display here. If you don’t like it so be it.”

Amen!

Fenriz, drummer and songwriter with legendary Norwegian black metal band Darkthrone, yesterday issued a brief statement to Antihumanism.com via the band’s official myspace page.

In it, he angrily claimed that we were wrong for insisting seminal Darkthrone albums such as “Under a Funeral Moon” are far superior to more recent gimmicky efforts like “F.O.A.D.”.

He went on to state that he wrote and recorded the influential masterpiece, “Transilvanian Hunger”, in just two weeks, whereas it now took him two or three months to write a single track for poorly conceived travesties like “Dark Thrones and Black Flags”. ’90s black metal is easy and more or less for little kids’, he added.

Finally, in a John McEnroe style outburst of childish boo-hooing, he demanded that we ‘go die’.
 
In response, Antihumanism.com would like to say that, like Tom G. Warrior once did (before he saw sense), Fenriz has forgotten that it was the incredible and visionary music of his early years that founded his reputation and status in the international metal scene.
It is those classic albums that have remained firm favourites since the early 1990’s, while their latest releases will quickly fade into nothingness by 2010, once the novelty has worn off.

But while he still has new product to shift, Fenriz will sadly continue to dismiss his early work as mere juvenalia, rather than admit that he lost his way artistically many years ago.

There will be those who claim in their defence that ‘Darkthrone have always done what they want’. This is patently untrue, and also, condones the sort of liberal, destructive humanist behaviour that we at Antihumanism.com condemn utterly as the cancerous tumour at the heart of modern artistic endeavour and society as a whole.
‘Doing whatever you want’ is the mantra of businessmen who want you to consume and buy and act however you like, with no regard for the consequences of those actions because that brings them the greatest profit. This is not an ideology compatible with the early 90’s black metal of Darkthrone.   

To understand why ”Transilvanian Hunger” is hailed as a great work of art, while the likes of “Ravishing Grimness” are not, click here.