If, like me, you consider that the genres of black metal and grunge have little in common besides key figures in both having blown their heads off with shotguns, you may be surprised to learn that a project exists claiming to mix those disparate music forms together.

Or probably, you wont be surprised in the least, if considering the fact that almost every single other music genre has by now been incorporated into a bastardised gimmick-laden form of black metal disguised as unique originality by some clueless hivemind drone peons hoping to gain their 15 minutes of fame.

Well without further ado, here’s what I’ve been building up to, it’s my fail of the week: Ea, Lord of the Tapes (that’s the cutest, most self-referential, ironic and hipsterish label name I’ve heard in a while) release #1: HØST (on kvltsette of corpse!).

Here’s the record label (I don’t know why I call it a record label, it’s just some bored dude with a tape deck who wants to be part of something, anything, to stave off existential fears of the futility of existence) description:

By mixing the sounds of grunge and black metal together, they end up having a very unique and incredibly fresh sound. This 7 track, self titled album is full of RIFFS, catchy bass lines, rockin’ drums, and Burzum grunts. This is black-’n-roll at its finest.

If you like black metal but you want something entirely different, check out HØST.

Oh dear. Take a minute to fully digest this abominable description. Maybe do a few bench presses or go for a quick run to stave off those horrible homosexual vibes from ruining your morning.

If I liked black metal but wanted something entirely different, I guess I’d listen to music that still had the same spirit communicated through different means. I’d try Dead Can Dance or Tangerine Dream or a myriad of classical composers. Not Kurt Cobain with corpsepaint.

KILL ALL HIPSTERS.