Three thousand Britons recently took time out from their favourite pastime of sodomy and took part in a survey on the countryside, carried out for a major budget hotel company. Apparently more than half of them think the countryside is ‘boring’ and when shown pictures, one in ten couldn’t even identify a sheep while 83% couldn’t name a bluebell. Ironically, 44% didn’t recognise an oak tree, though they probably spend most of their free time at their local The Royal Oak pub, discussing sport and makes of cars.

Professor of Tourism (yes, there really is a Professor of Tourism) at The University of Surrey awkwardly muttered some rubbish about people holidaying abroad more often nowadays and therefore forgetting what their own country might offer in terms of ENTERTAINMENT. And that’s what this boils down to, the need of the modern man to be constantly amused like a spoilt child.

We say: the countryside (where do you draw the line at where the ‘countryside’ begins and ends anyway?) does not exist for your entertainment. It’s not an amusement park for you and your retarded children. It’s not a tourist attraction like Disneyworld. Newsflash to the idiots of the world: outside of your TV, the real world just IS, without reason or meaning or need to justify itself.

What exactly IS this ‘countryside’ that people keep going on about anyway? The dismal remnants of the world not yet paved over? Yes, now we understand things more clearly. These fuckhead Professors of Tourism, these liberal environmentalists, these businessmen, these humanist morons all think this countryside is just a pleasant glorified parkland to play around in. Maybe they even think that we should preserve what’s left of it for the sake of our descendents, but not apparently for its own sake as something worth keeping in itself. No, its only apparent worth is in whether us humans can enjoy it or not. It’s a consumable commodity, apparently in dire need of a PR department. At the root of this is the same supreme arrogance and stupidity that leads the masses to believe that the entire world exists solely for their own selfish benefit and consumption.

If the natural world (as opposed to the grey urban hell of the man-made world) is to survive at all, it should be for the sake of the earth and its constituent parts as a living organism, not so that some glorified chimpanzee can have the freedom to tear around a forest in his shiny 4×4. Know your place in the world, you’re a mere floating particle of insignificance. Take pleasure in life and your surroundings (while you still can), just don’t forget: you’re not a god and your existence depends entirely upon the world of which you’re a single but far from unique component. Conversely however, the world does not need YOU.