Scooby Doo and the Watain Mystery
Scooby and the gang were taking vacation in Sweden. As usual, Scooby and Shaggy had wandered off by themselves and were about to get into some spooky trouble at the local recording studio!
“Say Scoobs, why’s that freaky dude over there like staring at us like that?”
“Rhy ron’t row Rhaggy!”
“Zoiks! He’s coming over!”
Scooby shook nervously all over as a creepy looking midget with long, badly dyed, greasy hair approached the two friends.
“What are you two doing here?” he said in a high pitched and rather gay voice.
Laughing in that rather irritating way that he does, Shaggy scratched his head as he replied, “Like, I don’t know, we just got like lost I guess, we’ll be on our way! Sorry!”
“Rhat’s right! Rorry!”
“Wait a minute. If you want you can come in and watch us playing one of our new songs. You see, my name’s Erik and I play in a really happening black metal group called Watain. In fact, it’s the most evil and blasphemous band ever!”
Scooby placed his paws over his eyes as Erik bustled the two chums into the recording studio. Inside, a fat man was sweating behind the mixing desk and was pale with fright.
“W-who are th-these g-g-guys Erik?” he said in a terrified voice.
“Just some… aquaintances of mine” he said with an evil cackle, “they’ve come to listen to our latest black metal record! Bwa hahaha! It’s the most evil and darkest and sataniest album ever recorded! It’s going to destroy the whole world! Hahahaha!!!!”
As Scooby and Shaggy watched, Erik ordered the fearful record producer to play back one of the songs off their latest album “Lawless Darkness”.
“Rhaggy! Ro romething!” Scooby howled in terror.
“Like, I don’t know what to do old buddy! We’re like, doomed!”
Suddenly the music began to play at deafening volume. Scooby and Shaggy cowered, then slowly uncovered their eyes and looked at each other in bewilderment.
“Rhaggy, rhat’s rappening?”
“I don’t know Scoobs, this music like, totally sucks! It’s just lame rock/heavy metal music with harsh vocals. It sounds like a Judas Priest tribute act performed by a bunch of like, Down’s Syndrome children or something.”
Erik angrily slammed his little fists on the mixing desk and tried to run out the door, but tripping over his ego, he fell flat on his face and was held down by several police officers who appeared out of nowhere.
“Well done you two” said one of the senior officers, “we’ve been watching this little villain for a while now. If you hadn’t stopped him, this crap would be all over MTV by now.”
One of the police officers grabbed Erik’s head and pulled upwards. His face stretched until his face came off altogether.
“Zoiks! Scoobs! It’s like, Blacky Lawless out of WASP!”
“That’s right! I used the kvlty trappings of underground black metal to pass off terrible music on moronic people who don’t know any better. And I would have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for you pesky kids.”
“Like, what’ll happen to him now chief?” Shaggy asked the senior officer as Blacky was led away.
“Don’t you kids worry, we’re going to take him out to the woods and shoot him in the back of the neck.”
“Well Scoobs, I guess that’s what you get for being a Lawless Blacky (Darkness)! Ha ha! I don’t know, make your own lame ending joke up.”
“Scooby dooby dooooo!”
Tags: black metal, erik, erik watain, lawless darkness, mtv, necromorbus, scooby doo, scrappy doo, shaggy, sweden, watain
June 2nd, 2010 at 11:38 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Thee Malcontent, Anti-Humanism. Anti-Humanism said: New blog post: Scooby Doo and the Watain Mystery http://www.antihumanism.com/2010/06/scooby-doo-and-the-watain-mystery/ [...]
June 2nd, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Ahahhahahahhahha another great story I like watain and I liked the new album
June 2nd, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Fuck this shit, Watain are among the new elite breed of true cult religious orthodox magic occult black metal bands nowadays. Only false blasphemers and heretics fail to recognise their (our) might.
By the way, any girls reading this, please mail me on myspace. I’m ALWAYS available for a chat! xxx :)
Mortuus (Arioch out of Fragrant Mist)
June 2nd, 2010 at 10:09 pm
HIGH-FUCKING-FIVE DAMN YOU
June 2nd, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Oh man, I laughed hard. Another excellent post.
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Wow, that picture is hilarious, as is the story. Cheers!
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Best post in a while
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Old one that never made the cut (not made by the antihumanism admin here, but he can post it up if he wishes): http://www.anus.com/metal/hall/index.php/topic,1292.msg8285.html#msg8285
June 9th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
that was quite possibly the STUPIDEST thing i’ve ever read
June 9th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
that was really stupid and believe me, I know stupid
June 11th, 2010 at 6:09 am
wow, did you read what you just wrote?
June 12th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
Haters gonna hate…
June 23rd, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Erik really is a bit of a fey little boy, I get the impression he’s rather fragile. In another life (and an argyle jumper) he could really be a little twee indie kid.
June 26th, 2010 at 6:42 pm
I have read two posts from you jessica….
not an idle flatterer am I…
short yet BRILLIANT!!! If you were more than just pixelated words….
I would be asking you out for a coffee….
although…you could be a dude….”A Boy Named Sue” kind of a deal…
you could be Rosie O Donnell (nothing wrong with chubby girls…nothing at all..but she is a BEAST. Everytime I watch “The Munsters” I expect the stairway to elevate, see the eyes, fire…then see her face, teeth clenched around a small child, shaking it back and forth in it’s insatiable maw before chewing and devouring the precious little tyke. :Shivers:)
or, of course you could be coming out of your “twilight-shiney vampire” tween years.
which I am not ending up with Chris Hansen-so forget that…..no siree “Bob” -(“Bob. Bob had bitch tits”-cracks me up everytimg….lol)
so good to see you…and of course “Bicro”-keeping it “real”…..
in “da hood” that is AntiH!!!!!. God, I suck.
June 27th, 2010 at 5:23 am
Erik gets to act all evil because he is surrounded by two big guys. He was probably the last to throw a blow to Harold from D.R.I but no doubt will act like the threw the first punch.
June 29th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I trow sir that I am not a day younger than 24 and not a stone heavier than 8!
Although, I am a bit speccy and already have a live in boyfriend I’m afraid. I’ll let you know when I’m back on the market.
June 29th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Also; massive Phil Colins fan.
June 30th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
LMAO….well, 24 part is hot-although I am an old bastard…
not crypt keeper old….just marginally old…
speccy?? as in bespectacled?? thats hot too…
live in B/F?? there’s the rub ….alas….always a snag…or fly in the ointment..
I can deal with Phil….
could you deal with a huge Tori Amos fan?
fist saw her on the “Little Earthquakes” tour…blown away…
July 1st, 2010 at 2:55 am
That does it, I’m setting up a dating site.
Basically, you input all your details including interests, IQ etc. Then we pair you up with someone of the same IQ to go on a date together.
If you fall below a certain IQ score, or if you’re particularly ugly, or cowardly, or have bad genes, we turn up at your date and machinegun you both.
July 3rd, 2010 at 2:08 pm
LMAO…It sounds like a plan Admin..
althought I score with IQ and charisma..
but being a guy….we’re all fucking ugly….I don’t see how a guy can be gay..
not that I have any problem with anyone doing what they want…
but we are just “ugly” as a whole…maybe except Brad Pitt-dudes hunky…I am sorry…
but lemmy probably has had more “shrub” than anyone on this site…COMBINED..
it’s what you do..who you are…
anyway….I played tunes and have charm….hence…not all of us who are beasts go “unloved”…
I love the machine gun idea…..but could we do that for the awkward dates that go to hell within 5 minutes as well…
there have been a few nights a gunmen had been deeply wished for…
by and by….Jessica….the use of the term “8 Stone”….
daughter of the United Kingdom??? I love London-went once when I was kid..
think I still have relatives in Cornwall….but …I am a “colonial”…
is his bags packed yet? lol….
July 3rd, 2010 at 3:38 pm
a thought thought…while I suffer with my fever-drinking theraflu (product placement plug-the official med of the antihumanists world wide) and debating a doctors visit…
how can Reverend Bizarre’s music be as simplistic and rudimentary, just as, for instance, a former Norwegian BM band-name rhymes with “chew the BARK of my big fat thick BONE”….and yet-it’s so much better ….
I have spot for Doom..always have-probably like it more than BM at this stage…
and I miss the Bizarre…
Doom over the world…….
and certainly better than Watain…or whatever they are called….
July 3rd, 2010 at 7:43 pm
watching “Until The Light Takes Us”…online
so far-the best thing has been the “The Grandmaster of Story Telling”, aka Varg….
30 minutes in and I am just begging Fenriz to get off the screen…
this is just tedious…but-I shall endeavour to plunder on aimlessly….
much like Mr.Gylve Palaver
July 4th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Admin, I’m glad to see you sticking with the main theme of the site. Love your work.
Blargh, yes I’m English. Lived in London a few years ago, currently live in Brighton, originally from Berkshire.
July 4th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
just too preface-probably no one gives shite-but.just got in from a fairly productive jam with my partner in crime-my hetero life mate-trying to get some tunes together for one last hurrah of recording…been too long…sounding more like CF “pandemonium” era than we did in the old days…we started together in 91-hooked him up with CF..he had never heard of the mighy Frost…
anyway-got in…tried to get a doctors appointment for tommorow…
grabbed so chicken alfredo…and came on….
just so no idiot gives me shit cause I actually post things..
I hate FB, I hate Myspace…basically the internet as a whole is garbage…
if I want to talk to my friends..my REAL friends….I pick up the cell and use my poseables…
I won’t lie…porn….football (american) some music….watch a movie… and here..
thats it…news is horrible-infiltrated by every political slant from morons who never passed civics class wiki’ng everything in sight to sound like they have a clue..
so come for a laugh…
and tonigh..in between watching the man with the sonic screwdriver… I see m’ lady from the “sceptred isle” has posted….
Brighton….on the english channel….
I love all things british…..I have thought of leaving the states for England..that or Iceland (yes-i have norse in me as well)
so I am here in New England-Manchester, New Hampshire..
New England is packed full of proper english town names…..
hope you are well this eve…probably late there….early am….
humor is not my friend tonight…so no chuckles from me…
although I did finish watching “Until the light..”…
Vargs story is soooooo full of holes….
July 15th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Geesh. Grow up you internet bigmouths. Erik, “midget” or not would destroy you jealous, cowards on any given day. Be it through violence or intellect. To publish pathetic texts as the one above is but retarded. If you don’t like or understand the band. Shut up and stick to your Michael Bolton, Graveland and Lady Gaga albums. Get a life.
Pray that Watain or their allies never get a hold of you.
July 18th, 2010 at 4:12 am
I hear rumours that Blake Judd relies on session musicians and producers to write music and lyrics for him. Maybe Antihumanism can unlock this mystery!!!
July 29th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
hey ellipses …
I am a pretty big guy-so I would not be too worried about the watain posse…lol
maybe they can hook up with ICP and tour…
clowns with clowns…they can all show up at the gigs in those tiny clown cars…
erik can hang in the glove box…
did Tom G actually say something positive about those tools?
If he did, then he drops a few notches on the ‘ol bullet belt..
maybe along the lines of “Cold Lake” notch dropping..
and dissing Mike B??
For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when he sings “When a Man Loves a Woman”.
on a different note-jess-where are you? you fine metall-y, Hadrians wall of coolness you…