Metal bands take sides over dawn or night
American metal bands Dawnbringer and Nightbringer are locked in a bitter dispute over whether night or day should be “brought”.
Nightbringer mainman Naas Alcameth claimed that any self-respecting metalhead would probably prefer night over day and that the argument was completely nonsensical anyway.
“We’re prepared to have a fistfight over it though” he said yesterday.
In response, Dawnbringer guitarist Scott Hoffman took up Alcameth’s challenge.
“The fight is on, man! We ain’t scared of no pussies in goth makeup. They only want to bring the night so it’s harder to see how gay they look. Or so it’s easier to bum other men in bushes 24/7. We’re bringing the dawn in boys, yeehaa!”
Whatever the outcome of the hastily arranged duel, a dozen or so bands called Stormbringer also waded into the debate this morning. Generic Black, spokesman for the loose coalition of identically monikered bands issued a statement at a press conference earlier today.
“Be it night or day that wins out, we, the Stormbringers will still be there to rain on them. And maybe thunder a bit. So whatever happens, we win by sheer force of numbers. And if the Plaguebringers think they can get up to their usual pestilence spreading mischief, they’re sadly mistaken. The Doombringers let their tyres down. And the Deathbringers too.”
“Oh, and as to the Warbringers, I say… bring it on!” he quipped.
The Nightbringer vs. Dawnbringer fight is due to take place in a forest clearing somewhere in Pennsylvania at exactly 02:00am next Sunday. The event is free, but you must bring your own dawn with you so as the combatants can see each other.
Former members of defunct black metal band Night Conquers Day have been barred from attending the event and will not be allowed entry. Erik of Watain is also barred due to height restrictions. And also because he’s a lame twat.
Tags: black metal, dawnbringer, doombringer, erik, naas alcameth, night conquers day, nightbringer, plaguebringer, scott hoffman, stormbringer, twatbringer, watain
June 11th, 2010 at 8:43 am
Day man
Fighter of the Night man
Champion of the sun
You’re a master of karate and friendship…for everyone
Day man, day man
Uhh ahhahh
Fighter of the Night man
Uhh ahhahh
Champion of the sun
Uhh ahhahh
Master of karate and friendship…for everyone
Day man, day man
Uhh ahhahh
Fighter of the Night man
Champion of the sun
June 11th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Do Harbinger get a bye on a technicality of similar names? (For the dyslexic.)
June 12th, 2010 at 9:24 am
These posts always start funny, but you usually go a little too far and the joke dies
June 12th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
“Erik of Watain is also barred due to height restrictions.”
Major LOL XD
June 12th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
You guys are really lacking quality posts lately. Definitely not ANUS certified.
June 14th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
“These posts always start funny, but you usually go a little too far and the joke dies”
Agreed tenfold.
Come on faggots, pick up the slack! Your posts have been limper than a Nachtmystium guitar melody lately.
June 23rd, 2010 at 2:06 pm
faggot is still an insult? I must’ve missed this memo.
June 26th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
humor, like most things, is subjective. Take “Black Adder” for instance. I love all the “years” of Black Adder. A good portion of you knuckle draggers ( let’s say-for arguments sake, “Jacobee The Squirrel”) would not find it funny. I do.
And I also love jokes that run….10…20…30 beats longer than they should. Where it goes from funny to pseudo uncomfortable. I love being uncomfortable.
Is this the best article from this site? No. But it was still funny and better than most music sites that pander to idiots to get free swag or ask the same question of a band member thats been asked a thousand times.
June 27th, 2010 at 9:22 am
WAY the fuck off topic (admin-any thoughts of adding a forum for “general discussions”-I know this blog is the forum-wait, second thought, most forums are lame anyway)
off topic for this “blog”, but maybe it touches my “antihumanism”.
We had a tragedy yesterday, where I live. Withut boring you all with details, I will say some idiot drunk ran over some people- one woman was killed.
All over the news here, and local online news station.
Now, this is what I find “weird” and maybe shows how I don’t get this world we live in now. I do not understand how bizarre society has become, especially in regards to technology and online. Things that seem bizarre on a “social-behaviorial” scale.
The family of the dead woman took to the comment page for the story on the news.
Your relative that means so much to you just died unexpectedly, gruesomely, and you are online scoping out the story, arguing with the “trolls” who have posted?
And since I am myself a “voyeur”-the “Mothman”-I find humans interesting in how they “work” now. So I go online, facebook, sure enough the womans husband has his page wide open, no privacy, all out there for the world. Now he is online posting to the news story as well, which I found extremely unusual. But he is also posting on his facebook page about it!!! WTF?? They are from older generation and have a family. I might expect that from young kids these days, having the internet from basically day one. Older social “norms” do not seem to apply to the younger generations.
Anyway, I am baffled. My long term g/f are seperating for awhile, unfortunately. We still love each other, and I think with some time apart, maybe we can re-find it again. But if something happened to her-something bad-like say “death”-I wouldnt want to talk to anyone, maybe except a select few, for many, many, many days. Leave me the fuck alone. Process time. I certainly would not be online posting to my facebook page. And I would not want my “friends” writing fucking condolences on my page. If you really were my friend, I would be on the phone with you or in person.
Have we really let this little machine dictate the timeline of how our lives play out?
Grieving has become an “update”?
Am I the only one that finds this bizarre that people feel so comfortable now in front of monitor that introsepction of a tragic event in our lives is communicated on a social network site?
Am I just lost in a differnt time??
June 27th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
“blaaarghhh”, do you feel pretty positive about your life spending all of your time in the comments section on a blog about black metal? LOLZZzz
June 27th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
seriously….that is the best you have squirrel boy?
I do not know how long it takes you to type..
probably with nuts in your hands and mouth…it could seem like “lifetimes”
maybe a minute typing that…
and I don’t know if you have figured this out…
but…shhhhhhhh…there is a thing called “parody” lurking about on this site…
a little more vast than just “BM”…
you should know about “parody” Squirrely….
since you seem to be a living, breathing, typing monument to it..
and if my less than 30 seconds of conceiving and typing my retort to you is too eloquent for you…
piss off twat….
July 4th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
how ridiculous
September 22nd, 2010 at 3:32 am
this website’s manifesto is lame. not only is humanism dead but “nature” as an “over here”, or something that is missing because its paved over it, is a huge turd and archaic. also, it isnt “human” by “nature” to proceed with the list of garbage you put on the manifesto. dont throw everyone under the bus for a civilization / industrial capitalisms desires. the philosophy of old dead turds doesnt speak for people who actually enacted systems of anarchy outside the bounds of all the essentialist garbage you list. keep reading / researching instead of blogging up a lame manifesto first.